By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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