so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
