hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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