I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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