stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize