i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize