Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You smell like stripper and shame
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
