you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I am naked and annoyed.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
