i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
