I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
