Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
