Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
