Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
