im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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