you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
