One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just invented taco cereal.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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