well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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