Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
