First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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