Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
