Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
