When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize