i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
