dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
