Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
