You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
