I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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