Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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