The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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