I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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