So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
