Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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