Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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