People in love make me want to vomit
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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