Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
