You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
