I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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