I think I died a long time ago.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
