Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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