My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
