Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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