I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
