I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
