We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
