i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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