so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
