Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
