Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
