I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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