It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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