im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
