i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
