Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
