Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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