Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
