i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
