Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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