two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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