"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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