Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
