Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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