Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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