when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize