Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
