When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have feelings that need drinking.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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