Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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