two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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