can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
