If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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