Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
