24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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