I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
