I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
