Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
