why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
