New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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