Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
