i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
